A few years back, I attended my friend Nick’s blowout 40th birthday party.
As part of the celebration, he hired an improv comic, and we all had to participate in learning improv comedy.
(I just felt the collective shiver of all the introverts reading this newsletter).
We started tossing out fun scenarios and scenes to participate in, and we learned about the most important rule of Improv: “Yes and.”
Two simple words, and the foundation for all of improv comedy:
Whenever somebody comes up with a scene, sentence, or situation, the ONLY acceptable response is: “yes and”
- Yes: Acceptance! I accept and acknowledge that whatever the situation is, no matter how absurd, to be true.
- And: build! Like a tennis match, after your improv partner hits the ball to you, your job is to hit it back! Building on the situation or scene.
For example, if your improv partner says, “I’m a space pirate” your response could be:
- “Yes, and I’m the space police, you’re under arrest!”
- “Yes, and I’m a first mate looking for a new crew, this is perfect!”
- “Yes, and my name is Captain Hook, welcome to Pirates Anonymous.”
The “yes and” rule is so crucial, because there’s nothing worse than a bad improv partner!
Kind of like Liam Neeson in this short sketch with Ricky Gervais, (I laugh every time):
The Yes And Rule for Life
As a former overachieving “gifted child” who has quite the negative inner critic, I’ve worked hard on incorporating “yes and” into my life.
The “yes” part is built around acceptance, which is something I’ve spent the past two years working to embrace.
Check out my past essays on Acceptance and Wabi Sabi for more.
It’s the “and” part I’ve focused on lately.
As Dr. Kristen Neff points out on in her book Self-compassion, life is complex and so are humans:
“Judgment defines people as bad versus good and tries to capture their essential nature with simplistic labels.
Discriminating wisdom recognizes complexity and ambiguity.”
Nothing is ever as simple as it seems. Things are never as good or bad as our brains think they are either.
So despite the voice in our heads that wants to judge everything in black-or-white, yes-or-no, good-or-bad terms… We must remember that life is a beautifully complicated mess.
Author F. Scott Fitzgerald once said:
The test of a first-rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function.
One should, for example, be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise.
This is my task for you today.
Is there a part of your life that feels black-or-white, and instead could use a bit of complexity?
- Change is hard, AND I am capable of making progress.
- I failed at some goals in 2024, AND I learned lessons to apply in 2025.
- I might be starting over, AND I never start at square one.
Nothing is as simple as it seems.
Life is hard, and change is hard. AND you’re a good person who’s trying.
Which means there’s hope. And hope is the warrior emotion.
Also, please go watch that Liam Neeson skit.
You’re welcome.
-Steve
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